Small Town Beauty Parlor
Is Marlena really pregnant?
Is Jack really the daddy?
Oh my gosh,
And now he’s dating Patty?
You know there’s just one reason
And that goes without saying.
Give it two weeks—
They’ll be finished dating.
Well, he may have two on the way.
They say she likes to be between the sheets.
She better get it together,
Or Patty’ll put her underground six feet!
Did you hear Abe got a DUI?
He obviously wasn’t thinkin’.
He probably can’t anymore;
His brain is pickled from drinkin’!
Oh poor, poor, Susie, bless her heart,
They say Jimmy John’s runnin’ ‘round.
Some little blonde woman
From the south side of town.
That same heifer busted up the Jones.
Yeah, she’s such a slut.
That’s exactly my thoughts—
Somebody oughta kick her butt!
Well, now that we’re all caught up
And my hair is an inch too short,
I guess I should hit the road since
I’ve got all this new information to sort.